I wish I could just open up my heart and let you all inside for a bit (Not literally, of course). I wish I could tell it all, but I won’t. There is a World Wide Web out there, after all, and some things just need to stay personal. But, the lesson must be told. The past few days have been some of the happiest of my life, and that is not an exaggeration one bit. My heart, my attitude, my feelings… everything has been turned completely upside down. But, y’all…it’s beautiful.
How about I get right to the heart of this post and then explain from there.
Obedience to Christ is the most important thing. Ever.
I have been struggling lately with the Lord. He has been very, very clearly speaking things into my life and I have been very quick to tell Him “no” to. But, telling Him no has been absolutely tearing me to shreds. I have been fully aware of my disobedience and I have CHOSEN to say “no” to His calling, but I have wanted so much to tell Him yes. My fear, my insecurity, and the feeling of just letting this go has caused me to be immobile in this situation. He would speak truth into my life and my heart would just break. I have been so broken over this because I have wanted so badly to do what He wants, but at the same time I have been too terrified to do it.
This past weekend the Lord kept pushing me to talk to Jessica and share my heart with her. I was a nervous wreck and kept hoping that the right opportunity would never come. But, of course, God gave me the most perfect opportunity to open up to her. I talked, the tears fell, and Jessica’s encouragement filled my heart. From the moment we first started talking, I could feel that this was “it”. This was the time that I was finally going to lay all this bondage and all these chains at His feet. We talked a little bit more and then Jessica prayed over me. How precious that this “friend” I had only met the day before was already laying on the floor praying over me.
Don’t underestimate these blog friendships, girls. They are powerful.
We called it an early night and I woke up the next morning with this feeling in my stomach. I knew that I was wanting to turn around and hold onto that comfortable place the Lord has told me to walk away from. About the time I was having a conversation with myself a song popped into my mind. All I could remember was the chorus, but it was playing in my head loud and clear.
“trade These Ashes In For Beauty
and Wear Forgiveness Like A Crown
coming To Kiss The Feet Of Mercy
I Lay Every Burden Down
at The Foot Of The Cross”
After that moment, I felt such a peace in my heart. I could completely let it go. Throughout that day I was pretty much in constant conversation with the Lord. I prayed many prayers telling him that this was it and I was ready to be obedient. By that night, I felt like a completely new person. I had this incredible weight lifted off of me. I was living in obedience to what the Lord had called me to do.
Since then (Sunday night) I have had such incredible moments with God. He has allowed me to minister to others that I never would have gotten to without this obedience. He’s opened his heart to me to let me see just how precious I am to Him. My heart has been set on fire for Him. And I can’t get enough of it! He has placed a new fire in my heart for my ministry. If my life is completely poured out for Him, He can completely fill me with Himself.
And I’ve learned that I’m much better off being filled with Him.
I wish I could speak directly to your sweet, little faces right now when I say this. Be obedient. I know that it’s hard. I know how easy it is to cling to disobedience because it is comfortable and because you’re scared to death to see what God has for you on the other side. I have bawled my eyes out time and time again because I knew that God was calling me to be something greater than what I was settling for. It’s scary, girls. I know. I was JUST there.
But, I’m not there anymore. I have never felt more free in my entire life. THIS is what it feels like to be in the exact place that the Lord wants you. And it’s a good feeling, friends. A really good feeling.
Step out. Be obedient. You can do it.
If you ever need personal encouragement, I am ready to dish it out. I know that God used Jessica’s encouragement to strengthen my heart and I want to do the same for you. I’m here for you. I’m praying for you. I love you!